Where's the Door?

Steve Raybine:

Blog #68:

Where's the Door?

I woke up this morning having a nightmare about the mysterious entrance to one of my gigs. This particular gig required that I roll my vibraphone down a side entrance, through a dining area and into the small space where I was to perform prior to a wedding service. So, you're thinking, that doesn't sound so bad, Steve? Well, that's not the end of the story, friendly blogmeisters. After I played for about an hour, I had to quickly move my vibes out of the space, back through the dining area, down the narrow side entrance and outside to the sidewalk. Did I mention that the parking lot had a steep slope and I almost tipped my vibes over into the street when I was outside? I didn't think so. Oh no, the story isn't over yet--did you think you'd get off so easily? From there, I had to roll my vibes half-way around a city block to the main entrance of the wedding-reception building, which was on another level from where I initially played. Naturally, I encountered two sets of stairs that required help lifting the vibes into the performing area--one of the busboys helped me lift the vibes. Once in the playing area, which was relatively small and had a large grand piano and the wedding cake precariously arranged near my set-up area, I carefully angled my vibes into a position that would hopefully accommodate the room restrictions and avoid knocking over the ever-so-beautiful wedding cake. I was ready to play another two hours. End of nightmare.

During the course of my 40 years as a vibist, I've had to haul this bloody instrument into- and-out-of a myriad of places. Let's review ten of my favorite scenarios:

1.) Front doors, back doors, side doors and any-kind-of door. I've manipulated my way through the largest (airport hangar) and smallest doors, which were positioned close to the performing area and about as far away from the stage as you can imagine. I've had first-hand-knowledge of the veritable blueprints of many buildings as I've wound my way around the endless corridors on a quest to find the stage.

2.) Ramps. Ramps are good, as long as the vibes fit within the width of the ramp. Did you know that ramps vary in width size? If it doesn't fit within the ramp, you're in trouble--better look for help.

3.) Fields. I hauled the 'beast' across mud, deep snow, dirt, sand--you name it. Some of these excursions have been memorable at most?

4.) Hills that go up. I can't tell you how much I hate hauling a vibe up-a-hill. Sometimes I fall going up a hill--especially the muddy, rain-soaked hills.

5.) You guessed it: hills that go down. The vibe that goes up, must come down. Vibes tend to tip as they go down--sometimes it seems as though they almost want to tip over. By the way, they tend to move rapidly when descending, so watch out and hang-on for dear life!

6.) Cobblestone sidewalks or streets. Cobblestone walkways are a vibraphone disaster-in-the-making. I can't tell you how much cobblestone jars the vibe frame--ouch! Go very slowly over cobblestone or you'll regret it.

7.) Pavers. Pavers are similar to cobblestone only not quite as bad. They still take a toll on the vibe frame, so watch out.

8.) Elevators. What can I say about elevators? Well, the loading dock ones are good, but very slow. The other elevators (if the vibes fit) are pretty tight. It's definitely a one-man operation, so prepare to hold your breath and squeeze into that little elevator-bunker and keep your fingers crossed. Hopefully, you'll live to see the next floor.

9.) Stairs. I hate hauling vibes up stairs--especially ones that curve. There is no adequate way to describe the physical pain involved in lifting a vibe up a tight or a steep stairwell. If you want the ultimate thrill in life, don't jump out-of-a-plane--haul a vibe up some circular stairs...or any stairs for that matter.

10.) Stages. Most stages are high enough that they require help lifting the vibes onto the stage. No, every stage doesn't have a back entrance, so your only option is to man-up and lift that puppy up there. Oh God, there goes my back!

There's my ten favorite vibe lifting; dragging; pulling and pushing situations. Did I mention, where is the bloomin' door to this venue?

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